Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sh!#ting on the Classics: Fantasia

by JB
Has anyone in the last thirty years ever sat through this damn thing all the way through?  I can see why it was such a hit with college crowds in its late sixties rerelease-- you have to be chemically altered to get through it.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Take Two: Transformers

by Patrick Bromley
I didn't like Michael Bay's Transformers when I saw it on opening night back in 2007. I thought it was noisy and busy and silly and condescending, and that it turned what might have been a movie about giant robots from outer space engaged in an epic battle into a movie about giant robots from outer space hiding in the backyard. By the very next day, though, I was told how wrong I was by just about every person who had seen it. Everyone liked this movie -- at the time, anyway -- and the insane box office (and the fact that there have been two sequels) reflects that: the movie grossed over $700 million worldwide. The more people told me how much they enjoyed it, the more I got to thinking about how much I didn't enjoy it, and, as is my way, I dug my heels in even deeper and started to shit-talk the movie as much as possible. But now, with four years behind me and just a few days away from the release of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I got to thinking maybe I was just being too hard on Transformers. Maybe I needed to see it again to appreciate the movie it is and not the one I was thinking it would be. Maybe it's more epic and exciting than I remember. Maybe, as summer blockbusters go, Transformers isn't half bad.

Nope. I was right. This fucking movie is horrible.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

F This Movie! - Green Lantern

Patrick is joined again by Mike and Adam to discuss just how the makers of Green Lantern got Adam's favorite superhero ever all wrong.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Sh!#ting on the Classics: The Ten Commandments

Today we're excited to launch a new feature on F This Movie!: "Shitting on the Classics," in which J.B. takes a movie that's beloved or has achieved some kind of widespread respectability and then explains why that's wrong. He's not doing it because he's a bastard; he's doing it to right the wrongs perpetrated by years of cinema. Also, he's kind of a bastard. Enjoy!

Monday, June 20, 2011

F These F'ing Awesome Movies 3

It's been a while since we talked about f'ing awesome movies (which we did here and here), so in lieu of a better idea let's f some more f'ing awesome movies. They just made your list of things to do today.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Week of June 13)

Remember when every movie you watched was good? That's because you were a kid, and didn't know the difference between quality and crap. It's also probably why I still think there wasn't a bad episode of Duck Tales (and I haven't watched one since sprouting pubes, hence the reason this statement remains SCIENCE FACT). Then you grow up, and, if you're like me, you start to hate everything. Wait ... hate's a strong word, but you're definitely on the other side of the spectrum. Instead of being entertained by almost anything, you challenge every movie to entertain you, because you've seen it all. The turning point for me was a dumb movie called The Efficiency Expert. My family watched it together, and, for the first time, I was like, "Whatthefuckisthis?" In retrospect, it probably wasn't even that "bad" (although, yes, it was), but just boring and unnecessary. Still, that's when my innocence was lost. Well, that, and the time my friends and I saw that dead body in the woods. ANYWHO, I'm sure these movies (trailers below) will amuse starry-eyed children around the world, and infuriate the rest of us.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Take Two: Howard the Duck

by Patrick Bromley
There are a whole bunch of high-profile failures that came out in the 1980s that, once removed from the excesses of the decade and the cultural climate under which they were released, have since been rediscovered and recovered from their initial bomb status. Movies like Robert Altman's Popeye and Elaine May's Ishtar, once lamented as giant, expensive disasters that had no business playing in movie theaters have since been reevaluated and gained a following as transgressive examples of their genres. It may have taken two decades, but the stink of failure has finally worn off and audiences can now appreciate these movies as misunderstood and, dare I say, ahead of their time.

Howard the Duck is not one of those movies.

Monday, June 13, 2011

F This Movie! - Super 8

Patrick and JB talk monsters, models and J.J. Abrams' Super 8, plus receive a special surprise visit from the supervillain known only as THE QUIBBLER.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Week of June 6)

I had this whole big rant about disgraced Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) all ready to go for this week's introduction. It was funny and violent and the soundtrack kicked fucking ass. You would've loved it -- I swear. But then I watched the following three trailers (jump below). Let me warn all of you regular readers up front: this is, quite possibly, the worst batch of previews I've yet featured in this dinky column. Never before have I been so disheartened, disgusted and just plain confused. They SUCK. And they're insulting to everyone, not just to diehard cinephiles (a word Patrick loves). THAT BEING SAID, please watch, read and ... enjoy(?).

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

F These Movies We Shouldn't Like But Do

We at F This Movie! are known netwide (that's internet-wide, which I assure you is a thing) for having impeccable, unassailably cool taste. Even the best among us are not infallible, though, and today's list is proof of that.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (Week of May 30)

I caught a little Starship Troopers on Starz before I went to bed the other night. Man, what a great movie. A few years after first seeing it, Patrick and I were so desperate to "discover" another worthy, kick-ass, under-the-radar space opera, that we actually saw the VERY FIRST SHOWING of Battlefield Earth in the theater the Friday it came out. What a nightmare! Suffice it to say (which is an expression I hate), NOTHING has compared to watching Starship Troopers for the first time 14 years ago. THE REASON I BRING THIS UP: Amy Adams has just signed on to Paul Thomas Anderson's The Master, which is a Scientology-inspired drama. So, after years of limbo, one of our favorite directors is finally getting to make another movie! Yay! F Battlefield Earth!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Director Essentials: Tim Burton

by Patrick Bromley
Today's entry in the ongoing Director Essentials series focuses on the career of Tim Burton, who clearly died sometime around the turn of the century and was replaced by a soulless hack Tim Burton imitator. Pile your hair up on your head, crank the Danny Elfman dark carnival and misunderstand with me.