Wednesday, September 28, 2011

F This Movie! - Napoleon Dynamite

Patrick and Alex are called into action by listener request to feed the llama, defeat the liger and climb up the ass of Jared Hess' Napoleon Dynamite, a movie that's already way too far up its own ass.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Sh!#ting on the Classics: Top Gun

Today we examine a film that was obscenely popular when it was first released, a popularity I still cannot fathom. This film established a template for other bad movies. This film cemented the stardom of the Boy Who Cannot Act. This film invited us all to fly into “the danger zone,” which, based on the evidence in the film, is a euphemism for some sort of sewer. Come fly with me.

Monday, September 26, 2011

F Directors! #10: Michael Cimino

Today's F Directors! entry focuses on the career of Academy Award-winning filmmaker Michael Cimino, who made one of the all-time classic Vietnam war epics and brought down United Artists before permanently disfiguring himself through plastic surgery.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (September 23)

Greetings all the way from sunny Napa Valley in Northern California! Have you seen Sideways? I have, and I think it's great! So that's basically what I'm doing out here -- touring backwoods vineyards, drunk-dialing my ex-wife and looking the other way while my BFF bangs Sandra Oh (classic Patrick). Before I left, however, I found the following trailers for you. Please enjoy them with some stinky cheese and dark chocolate, Pinot noir-style.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

F This Movie! - Gremlins/Gremlins 2: The New Batch

Patrick and Erich Asperschlager share an after-midnight snack as they discuss the Gremlins movies, Joe Dante, sequels and the priorities of time travel.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Review: Red State

I have a suspicion that if Kevin Smith hadn't directed Red State, no one would be talking about it. That's because it's an unremarkable mess, interesting only because of where it fits into Smith's filmography. It's something "different" from the director -- it even obnoxiously says so on the movie poster -- but that alone does not make it very good.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (September 16)

Two nights ago, I watched both The Passion of the Christ and Jackass 3D (in regular old/stupid 2D, because I DVR'd it off Epix). Needless to say, it was an evening of contrasts. For example, one movie featured torture porn, and the other movie was Jackass 3D. Likewise, one movie demonstrated the triumph of the human spirit over suffering for a higher cause that is noble and just, and the other movie was The Passion of the Christ. YOU GET THE JOKE THAT I'M MAKING? You get the joke that I'm making. I was also surprised by the similarities between the two, such as the use of RIDICULOUS slow motion, copious bodily fluids and repetition! Finally, Jackass 3D featured genuinely sad moments, because, you know ... Ryan Dunn.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

F This Movie! - Superbad

Patrick and Doug are superdecent.

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Also discussed this episode: Valhalla Rising, Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star, 127 Hours, Blue Valentine, The A-Team

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sh!#ting on the Classics: Citizen Kane

Citizen Kane is being released on the blu-rays today as part of its 70th anniversary. I have never been able to understand the reputation of this film. Of course, I have also never been able to understand gravity, the changing of the seasons, and magnets.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (September 9)

Eddie Murphy is considered by many (including Howard Stern) to be one of the funniest men [still!] on the planet. Apparently, this is solely based on his choices in the 1980s, including his stint on SNL, his million-dollar laff and his hit single, "Party All the Time." But really, has anyone tried to sit through Eddie Murphy Raw lately? I cannot imagine that it holds up, and New York Magazine's wonderful Vulture confirms my suspicions. Aside from his "successful" role as (the voice of) Donkey in the Shrek movies, he hasn't made one single successful or respectable movie in exactly 64 years. This fall, Murphy costars in Tower Heist (I featured the "totally awesome!" trailer for it a few weeks ago), which is directed by Brett "Where My Bitches At?" Ratner, who also, coincidentally, is producing the 84th annual Academy Awards ceremony on Feb. 26, 2012. Ergo, Mr. Murphy will be hosting next year's Oscars. While I aim to make PLENTY of Pluto Nash jokes on the day of the event (follow our Twitter account as we live-tweet the telecast!), I'm actually (dare-I-say) ... excited about this choice? Not that it EVER matters who actually hosts this fucking incestuous lovefest, and a goddamn Heinz Automato would be better than the desperate need of Anne Hathaway and the stoned/severed limb of James Franco. But still! A once-funny standup who's NOT Billy Crystal! That might be good! Or it might be awkward! Who knows?! Of course, Bruce Vilanch will have to clean/punch up his rant on homosexuals (you have to play to your audience, obvi), but the show could contain some genuinely funny moments. Then again, we may all be dead before it airs. #2012

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

F This Movie! - Lost Highway

Patrick and JB transform into different people in order to deal with the bizarre violent and sexual imagery that is David Lynch's underrated 1997 movie Lost Highway.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Sh!#ting on the Classics: L'Avventura

Today we look at one of the most critically lauded films in motion picture history, Michelangelo Antonioni’s L’Avventura (1960). I cannot believe that all the people who claim to love it really do. They say they can see the emperor’s cool new threads.  I say he is naked.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (September 2)

Two days ago, Patton Oswalt (Monkey Photographer in Zoolander) was interviewed by the A.V. Club. In the article, he mentions a few podcasts he listens to, including WTF with Marc Maron and the Pod F. Tompkast. In other words, podcasts EVERYONE ALREADY LISTENS TO (if you're a podcast listener, that is). Shockingly, he doesn't mention F This Movie!, which, in my opinion, is a crying shame. "NOTHING OUTSIDE THE BOX, PLEASE!" -Patton Oswalt. Still, lukewarm hostility aside, you should read the interview. Funny guy, Mr. Oswalt.