by Adam Riske
Read Days 1-6 here and days 7-13 here.
Movie: Obvious Child
Life Itself again on day 13 was short lived. Day 14 was quite the sucky day at the movies. I went to re-watch Obvious Child. I think it’s a smart and brave comedy with a wonderful performance from Jenny Slate. It’s all the more impressive because it put me in some awkward places philosophically. The issue had nothing to do with the movie itself. The problem was an elderly couple talking.
I used to think teenagers were the worst moviegoers in terms of being disruptive, but no, it’s elderly couples. They comment on the dumbest shit (at least teenagers are trying to make each other laugh, which makes sense to me), they’re loud, they sit directly in front of you, etc. How in the hell can they not know any better by now? Do they just not give a shit?
Elderly couples are mostly retired, so I’m assuming they see each other all the time. Don’t you think they can find a way to manage to be quiet for two hours?
If you are an older person who reads this column, know that I’m not talking about you and also thank you for reading. But please, someone explain to me why seniors are the worst when it comes to going to the movies.
My biggest movie-related pet peeve is talking (in any language -- they all make sound, which sometimes people seem to forget). Question for the readers: what do you do when one of those talkers is your friend or your spouse? It’s a tough position to be in. I wave my hand at them like “shutup, shutup, shutup, not right now.”
Movie: Think Like a Man Too
Snowpiercer and Jodorowsky’s Dune again on VOD yesterday and was reminded of how wonderful watching a movie at home can be. But, in the spirit of this challenge, I had to go out and see a movie.
The problem is THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO SEE!!!!! Ugh!
I’ve seen everything. I’ve got no options. It’s down to Third Person, Think Like a Man Too and seeing the X-Men movie I didn’t even like again. This challenge sucks and it’s not even half over. AAAAAAGGGHH!
There are movies I want to watch on VOD but that doesn’t count. Stupid movie theaters. Why can’t you show The Congress or Video Games: The Movie? GRRRRRRRR!
Before going to the theater (still having no idea what I would see, I’ll pick when I get there), I went out to have some dinner and texted my friend Nick:
Me: “I think I’m going to quit the movie challenge tonight.”
Nick: “Don’t do it man! You’re going to be so mad at yourself.”
Nick: “You’re too far along.”
So I went and saw Think Like a Man Too, which is not very good despite a likeable cast. The first one was better but neither are worth seeking out. But the lowlight of the moviegoing experience was can be best described by a text I sent to Nick when I entered the theater.
Me: “2 people are basically fucking in the back of this theater.”
Movie: Pretty Woman
AMC was screening Pretty Woman as part of their classics series and apparently demand was not high to see Pretty Woman in a theater because I was one of three people in a huge auditorium to see this movie. The print was awful. I am guessing it was digital, but it looked like a VHS copy. The experience itself was nice because I enjoy the movie and I haven’t seen it in a long time. That Julia Roberts was pretty charming back in 1990, right? And I think I’m coming to the realization that I’m a big Richard Gere fan, which is interesting.
Note: I have a crush on Kit more than Vivian. She looks like she’s better at sex is what I’m saying. I would have picked up Kit for those 1990 bargain basement hooker prices.
Note #2: Don’t pick up hookers. You don’t know where they’ve been and you deserve better. F real people with home addresses and parents who love them.
Movie: Sex Tape
I used to not like movie theater/restaurants, but now I’m coming around on them a bit. They’re kind of nice in a way. For example, Sex Tape was flabbergastingly terrible, so at least I could say the experience wasn’t all bad because I had a BBQ Chicken Pizza and a Diet Coke, which were delicious.
Don’t go see Sex Tape. It’s the worst. It’s barely a movie. I laughed twice – once with the movie and once at the movie. It’s not nearly as raunchy as it should be and skinny Jason Segel looks like a CGI version of himself. I was embarrassed for the actors in this movie to be honest. It plays like one of those horrible '80s comedies that a cast member from Cheers would have done during the show’s summer hiatus.
I left the theater bummed out and wanting this challenge to be over. I called my parents when I got home to complain about my month and whine a little bit.
Note: Cameron Diaz looks super foxy in Sex Tape, so that was at least nice.
Movies: The Purge: Anarchy, Chef
The experience was weird. Have you ever noticed how sometimes when you see a “tough guy” movie, the people in the theater take on a tough guy stance? I had that happen this time. I swear I got the stink eye for some reason from two people who made Purge Face at me. Oooh, scary! I kid but it actually was kind of scary.
Before The Purge: Anarchy, I saw a trailer for a spinoff of The Conjuring about the doll, Annabelle. That sounds sweet. Scary Movie Month!!!! I also saw the trailer for Get on Up for the billionth time. I hate that trailer for three reasons: 1) are they just going to overlook that James Brown regularly beat up his wife? 2) Mick Jagger mentions that every download and CD I own is influenced by James Brown. Bullshit. I own Silverchair’s greatest hits. How is that influenced by James Brown? and 3) Chadwick Boseman needs to get a brand new bag (see what I did there). Who is he going to play next? Rosa Parks?
I did not care for The Purge: Anarchy, though it is better than the first movie. My beef is with the stance the movie takes that all rich (white) people are evil and want to kill all the non-rich people. For a piece of entertainment, it just feels icky to me. I’m probably overreacting, but whatever, it’s how I honestly feel.
In fact, I was so bummed out by The Purge: Anarchy that afterwards I went and watched the last half of Chef just as a pick me up.
Note: In the lobby I saw a cardboard standee for Annie and I just have to say that trashy Cameron Diaz looks super cute – like Kit in Pretty Woman.
Movie: Wish I Was Here, Boyhood
The usher took my ticket, saw that I was seeing Wish I Was Here and asked me to let him know what I thought on the way out. So I saw the movie and I did. It’s always flattering when someone asks me for my opinion. I don’t know. It sort of makes my day.
Then I went to see Boyhood and oh…my…G-D! It’s fucking fantastic. Boyhood is now my favorite movie of 2014. I don’t even know where to start except to say it’s wonderful, sweet and insanely involving. Go see it as soon as you can.
P.S. Ethan Hawke deserves to be nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his performance in Boyhood. Was he always this good? Or did he get this good over time?
When I see a movie like Boyhood, I am elated and the thought of having 12 more days of this challenge left seem like a piece of cake. I am no longer movie depressed. Until tomorrow when this all might change again. It’s a roller coaster, people.
Movies: It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (70mm) and Patton (70mm)
In summation of Week 3, most of it was a drag but the weekend gave me the spurt of energy I desperately needed. I’m starting to think, however, that this challenge will change my moviegoing habits beginning in August. I don’t think I’ll ever give up going to the theaters, but I can see myself going less and staying home to watch more movies on Blu-ray or Netflix streaming. The allure of going to the theater is slowly evaporating for me.
Tune in next week as I’ll discuss monster fests, apes kicking my ass D-Box style and if I can still manage to see a movie the same night I have a date. The challenge is in doubt. Will a fair maiden get in the way of me completing this epic quest?