Monday, April 23, 2018

SAFE MEN And Super People: How John Hamburg's First Film Shaped the MARVEL Cinematic Universe

By Elbee Bargeron and Mike Delaney
Leading up to the April 27th* release of Disney’s Marvel’s The Avengers: Infinity War, several film sites and podcasts are revisiting the 18 interconnected superhero films that built upon each other, culminating in this 19th offering. The writers of this piece recommend reading Such and So’s brilliant take at Blah Blah dot com or What’s His Face’s exploration at Poddy Pod of all the Easter eggs you didn’t spot the first six times you watched the film. Those are great pieces, and there are literally dozens more if you Google “Marvel movie writing stuff.” All those talented film writers take you through the Marvel Cinematic Universe (or the MCU, if you hate several vowels and certain consonants), beginning with Rudy’s Jon Favreau’s Iron Man (2008), and concluding with Ryan “Creed” Coogler’s Black Panther (2018).


No doubt every single one of these deep dives into the ten-year old MCU is in a league of its own: dissections of race, class, privilege, and power, showing filmgoers just how radical this candy-colored pop art really is. However, dear reader, as well-researched and extensive as those pieces of journalism may be, every single one of them begins with the wrong movie.

The MARVEL Studios film series (and yes, the multiple, tangentially connected television series) did not begin with Iron Man. No. The story of the MCU and how they built their franchise of testosterone, world-saving, and humor, begins in 1998...August 7th, 1998...nearly twenty years ago, and ten years before the guy from Heart and Souls put on a bunch of metal.

The film: Safe Men.

Safe Men tells the story of Sam and Eddie**, who, according to prolific*** IMDb user John Sacksteder, are “Two untalented singers are mistaken for a pair of major league safe crackers in Providence, Rhode Island. The two are pressed into service by the local hoodlums and quickly find themselves in conflict with their professional colleagues. Romantic interest is added by the daughter of the underworld leader who won't date the men she knows are gangsters.”

Taken at surface level, the summary of Safe Men seems to indicate an average late ‘90s-crime soaked-quirky-romantic-chuckle fest, and that assessment is not entirely wrong. It’s when the proverbial layers of this metaphoric onion are peeled back when Safe Men reveals itself as the $1 million dollar blueprint for a $14.8 billion dollar business.

While succinct (as Mr. Sacksteder followed the guidelines of a summary for IMDb and not a synopsis; Kudos, Sacksteder), the general nature of a summary fails to denote several key elements of the world of Safe Men. These elements form the core themes that arise in the story of Sam and Eddie and their juxtaposed actual criminal counterparts, Frank and Mitchell.

Criminality and Capitalism
History of the Father (aka Daddy Issues)
Difficulty of adult male friendships
Becoming the hero
Wild hearts, broken hearts
Ideals of masculinity


“Asleep for the danger, awake for the money, as per frickin’ usual” - Rocket Raccoon, Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

As Socrates said, “No one knowingly does evil.” It’s a philosophy which claims that even the worst criminal or behavioral offenders are able to turn an evil act into something good in their own minds, thus justifying indecent or unethical conduct. Not only can we apply this idea to everyday personal interactions, we can use it to criticize the effects of the American capitalist economy. Capitalism is, at its core, destructive. In a capitalist economy, people are encouraged to be cutthroat in order to get ahead, and therefore are less likely care for or empathize with others. Arguably, all of this goes against our most basic of human values, even if we are busy rationalizing our inherent evilness.

Let’s take a look at what drives men to steal. We could answer with numerous reasons, but most commonly, it is necessity that motivates criminality. The pressure to provide basic needs for themselves and their loved ones is so great and widely-experienced by men that they may feel compelled to sacrifice normal moral constraint. This reservation is directly linked to the destructive nature of the capitalist machine, causing these Regular Joes-turned-thieves to doubt themselves and their self-worth at the same time as putting a strain on their closest personal relationships. Our heroes in Safe Men are not thieves -- no, not initially (though it could be argued they stole the hearts of those Polish). Although Eddie’s family history includes some criminals (namely his father, more on daddy issues later), the two men are thrown unexpectedly into a whirlwind of breaking and entering, safecracking, and dealing with the threat of death -- or, at least, serious injury -- from prominent members of Rhode Island’s Jewish mafia. Their necessity is not necessarily to provide for anyone other than themselves (after all, they are both single men at the time), but to keep a mobster from breaking their kneecaps (Side note: we all understand the parallels between organized crime and a monopolistic capitalist structure, right?).

In Safe Men we have Harvey Fierstein’s Good Stuff Leo, a “businessman” whose job is referred to in the trade as a “fence.” Leo buys stolen merchandise from any amount of thieves in the immediate Providence area, then turns around to sell them to those in-the-know at his “store” (Leo owns a barbershop which functions as a front to his expansive warehouse-like space where he markets his hot goods). On Rosh Hashanah, Leo tells the story of a customer of his whom he refers to as Joyce, to whom he sold a pair of ostensibly very sensational slacks. Not realizing the pants were quite flammable, Joyce fired up Leo’s propane grill as a guest at the previous year’s Rosh Hashanah barbecue. When a stray spark caused the pants to ignite, she was fatally engulfed in flames. Leo comments, “Have I ever killed anyone? Yes and no. Did I know those pants would explode? No. But to some people, that’s as good as pulling the trigger.” So the question here is who is responsible when these types of horrible freak occurrences happen? Is it the consumer’s fault for being so willing to buy questionable goods, the fence’s fault for hocking those goods, or the thieves’ fault for stealing the stuff in the first place? Or is it all a huge symptom of a broken system which drives people to place more importance on saving a buck than carefully considering whether or not the product might meet necessary quality and safety standards? At this juncture, we can now jump to the more serious and horrid example of weapons manufacturing and dealing in war, as Good Stuff Leo’s analogue in the MCU is none other than actor Sam Rockwell himself, Justin Hammer…(again, not to hit the nail on the head, but to definitely hit the nail on the head; make no mistake...the “hammer” imagery in both the MCU and Safe Men is not by accident. MJOLNIR. DINKLAGE’S WEAPON OF CHOICE. HAMMER COMMA JUSTIN).
Fancying himself Tony Stark’s rival, Hammer appears first in Iron Man 2 (2010). It is Hammer who teams up with the nefarious Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke, now with 75% less shirt) to take Stark down, but unlike Vanko, Hammer is really only interested in defeating Stark by putting him out of business. Competition like this is undeniably a cornerstone of capitalism, driving men like Hammer to make fishy deal after fishy deal all because of self-interest and a powerful profit motive. And when the capitalist machine is combined with the military-industrial complex, what we get is a bunch of power-hungry CEOs feeding a bunch of blood-thirsty militaries and creating a bunch of unnecessary and destructive wars (Hell, Hammer even names his suit War Machine. How much more symbolism do we need?). But what we have to think about is this: just as Good Stuff Leo was a victim of circumstance when those exploding pants killed his friend, can we say Justin Hammer is a victim of the capitalist machine? Is Hammer’s war-mongering a dreadful consequence of the Pursuit of Happiness? We can return to Socrates’ idea that men justify their evil deeds by replacing bad thoughts with good ones. Correspondingly, capitalism often disguises its misdoings with the idea that financial success is noble and worth aspiring to.

In Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), we are introduced to one of the MCU’s most dynamic villains, Michael Keaton’s incredible and terrifying turn as Vulture. One of the reasons Vulture is so noteworthy is that his character is very much grounded in our reality; he is a blue collar man making a humble living who stumbles across a means to wealth (not unlike our Safe Men), but his dreams are squashed by rules implemented by a powerful upper class (one which includes Tony Stark, or arguably Big Fat in a tangential universe) and a bevy of bureaucratic red tape. Keaton spoke about this very thing during a press conference just before the release of the film. His point: “It was a really unique approach, and kind of obvious, when you think about it: To make this person someone who’s approachable and has a legitimate gripe and a legitimate argument.” Vulture is a pragmatic villain who harnesses his rage at being driven out of business by the Department of Damage Control after the Battle of New York and repurposes it into building an extremely lucrative black market business developing and selling weapons made from Chitauri technology. So, what initially drove Vulture -- or Adrian Toomes, his name when he’s not donning his villainous wings -- to crime? Absolutely it was necessity, but we can also couple that with the lofty ideal of the American Dream (a promise given to each of us by capitalism that we shall live our lives comfortably and happily if we only work hard enough), and the trampling of that dream by the very government that purports to advocate for it (represented here by television sex icon, Tyne Daly).
2015’s Ant-Man brings us Scott Lang, a petty thief, and another grounded character. We can relate to Scott because he seems cool like us (thanks to Paul Rudd’s propensity to basically play himself in every movie role; more on Paul Rudd later), and because he has problems like us. It’s not that Scott isn’t smart enough to have gone to a good school or earned a degree, it’s not that he is lacking in motivation or seriousness, it’s that his life went a way that didn’t afford him certain opportunities and thus led him down an unconventional path to criminality. Scott turned to thieving, again, out of necessity, because he wanted a better life for his wife and young daughter. When we meet him, he’s just finished serving time and is trying to put his life on the outside back together. But Scott’s search for redemption leads him back into the criminal sphere when lowkey puppetmaster Hank Pym tricks him into stealing his shrinking suit as some kind of convoluted tryout. The comparable plot in Safe Men is Michael Lerner’s Jewish mobster Big Fat Bernie Gayle forcing Sam and Eddie on their own repeated trials at safecracking. Both Scott and our heroes in Safe Men are forced into a life of crime by means not necessarily within their own control, casualties of the pitfalls of a functionally defective capitalist model.


“I told Gamora how when I was a kid I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad. He's a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy. Earlier, it struck me... Yondu didn't have a talking car, but he did have a flying arrow. He didn't have the beautiful voice of an angel, but he did have the whistle of one. Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures and hooked up with hot women, and fought robots... I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all. Only it was you, Yondu.” - Peter Quill, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

In this section, we will examine the father/son relationship, and what is commonly referred to as “daddy issues.” In men, these issues can manifest as very strong feelings of competition with other men due to being angry with their fathers or the fear and insecurity attached to very strong desires to be loved by a father figure. Further, sons of absent fathers don’t get the opportunity to identify with a man, which leads to insecurity when forming male relationships and wondering if they are masculine enough. These issues are at the forefront of the majority of MARVEL pictures, but let’s not dismiss the importance of this theme in Safe Men.

Let’s begin with the concept of legacy. When we speak of leaving behind a legacy, we are usually referring to being remembered for what we have contributed to the world. A lot of times, this reference is to a legacy left to us from our predecessors -- a modus vivendi that we must now live up to. There’s a tremendous pressure that comes along with legacy, especially between fathers and sons, and even more especially when the father is/was a renowned figure. In Safe Men, Eddie’s father leaves his legacy via a scrapbook of sorts that contains tips and instructions for his son in hopes that he will one day follow his path as an accomplished safe man. “If you’re reading this, I’ll know you’ve arrived,” his note proclaims, and thus sets the precedent for Eddie to walk in his footsteps.
Actor Robert Downey, Jr. once noted in an MTV interview that Tony Stark lives in the “looming shadow of posthumous perfection” of his father. Howard Stark is highly regarded in history as an innovator, engineer, and general bright idea man. But, Howard was also a salacious sort, at times a neglectful man, and an alcoholic -- however, that was not his public persona. Tony is constantly trying to pull himself out from the oppression of his own last name, which may be a factor of his sometimes childish, impulsive behavior. And like his dad, one of those behaviors is alcoholism. Psychologically, this ties into Sigmund Freud’s concept of repetition compulsion, i.e., we’re doomed to repeat the past -- whatever trauma we see in our childhood, we are compelled to repeat. So when the child version of Tony sees his father drinking and behaving brashly, that behavior is impressed upon him as proper for an adult male. Later, Tony continually rejects acknowledging a resemblance to his father simply because he’s in denial. Howard certainly may not have meant to hurt Tony in his childhood, but the anger Tony no doubt felt toward his dad remains deeply-seated in his ego. There’s a moment of crisis when a man who doesn’t want to be like his father realizes that he is like his father, but when that realization is accepted, positive change can occur. This is a huge part of Tony’s journey.

Furthermore, we have Thor (Chris Hemsworth), son of Odin (Anthony Hopkins), whose introduction in the MCU comes via the 2011 film Thor. We can think of this father/son relationship of as a sort of inverse to that of the Starks because instead of a son rejecting the traits of his father that he sees in himself, we have a son trying to emulate what he naively perceives to be the best traits of his father. In the film, Odin is relinquishing his position as king of Asgard so that his son may take the throne -- which Odin has reservations about because he quietly recognizes certain similarities between himself and his son that he’s not exactly proud of. So far as we know from this inaugural entry to the Thor series, Odin has been a fair and good king to the people of Asgard -- heroic, too, as he defeated the Frost Giants when they tried to conquer the Nine Realms how-many-ever years ago. Of course, the account of Asgardian history and Odin’s role within it change to a much darker and more sinister story with Thor: Ragnarok (Film of the Year, 2017), regardless, Thor’s hero’s journey culminates when he defies the expectations of the Asgardians, and matures past his boorish, egotistical demeanor, becoming a true leader and rejecting the manipulative and complicated shadow of his father. Thor learns to be a good person once he accepts that his father wasn’t infallible and he understands that the only way to move forward is through forgiving his father his faults and striving for righteousness and humility.
At this point, we can move on to discuss the repercussions of an absentee father. Chris Pratt as Guardians of the Galaxy’s Peter Quill is the prime example of this, with an early childhood spent on Earth abandoned by his space alien biological father (Note: it’s not too much of a stretch to include Stark and Thor in this category, too, as the demands of their fathers’ jobs and positions kept them from spending quality time with their sons.). The 2014 initial installment of the Guardians saga sets up Quill’s daddy issues, but it’s not until Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is released in 2017 that we get a full view of not only his feelings towards his father, but also an idea of how those feelings can be resolved. Most of his life, Quill daydreams that his father is David Hasselhoff (David Hasselhoff), a coping mechanism that helps him manage his resentment towards his absent biological father. He’s raised by Yondu (Michael Rooker) as a Ravager, thinking that his abduction isn’t anything more than random. But what he doesn’t know (and what we find out in Vol. 2) is that Quill’s real dad is the reprehensible celestial, Ego (Kurt Russell), a god-like alien life form hellbent on using his seed to fuel his existence as a literal planet unto himself. Subjectively, if men haven’t worked out the often unseen issues they have with their fathers, they seek approval from someone who has qualities they deem appropriate for an ideal paternal relationship. In turn, they believe they are receiving the love and approval of their fathers. Through the events of Vol. 2, Quill learns some valuable lessons about family, and realizes he had a caring, albeit unconventional, father figure all along in Yondu. Likewise in Safe Men, even though his biological father is present in his life, Bernie Gayle, Jr. (affectionately known as Little Big Fat) seems to have a more prolific relationship with Paul Giamatti’s character of Veal Chop. It’s Veal Chop we see attempt to give Little Big Fat important life lessons such as talking to girls, becoming a man, and being confident in himself; although the moments between Big Fat Bernie and his son are not hostile or bereft of goodwill, those moments seem superficial compared to the time on screen we see Veal Chop and Little Big Fat spend together (One more coincidental note: at a certain point in Safe Men, the scene cuts to the interior of Little Big Fat’s bedroom, and as the camera pans by the the kid’s trophy shelves, hamster cage, and junk on his desk, we hear the theme music to the classic television series Knight Rider pumping through TV speakers. So it appears that Little Big Fat enjoys watching reruns of Knight Rider just as much as Peter Quill enjoyed the series when it originally aired. Surely Guardians director James Gunn took note of this small idiosyncrasy.).


“I miss you, Happy.”

“Yeah, I miss you, too. But the way it used to be. Now you’re off with the super-friends. I don’t know what’s going on with you, anymore. The world’s getting weird.” - Tony and Happy, Iron Man 3 (2013)

The first act of Safe Men is spent establishing Sam and Eddie’s friendship, which is absolutely unmistakable through their musical performance at the Polish club. The two men’s faces are inches apart from each other as they harmonize the end of their number; the only lyric we hear consists of one solitary (granted, repeated) word: “friendship” (or, more to the tune, “frieeend-shii-ipp, friend-ship”). And although sometimes they bark at each other or disagree on how to handle their many mishaps during the course of the film, Sam and Eddie have the kind of deep and supportive friendship that many of us only wish we had.
As adults, we’re very picky about whom we choose as friends. Our journey through life leads to self-discovery, and that self-knowledge usually dictates who we want to spend our time with. As we become more comfortable with ourselves and who we are, we set the bar higher for making new friends. Whereas, when we’re kids, friend qualifications can be as simple as living on the same street and riding bikes together. However, as adults, instead of mere proximity, we look for traits in others that show us we can let our guard down, be ourselves, and confide in them as genuine friends. For this reason, people tend to make their closest lifelong friends in college -- or, even in high school, such as the case of Peter Parker (Tom Holland) and his “guy in the chair,” his best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) in Spider-Man: Homecoming. And because of the pickiness that comes with choosing friends in adulthood, sometimes we end up having less people we consider to be real, close friends than we can count on our hands.

Described as “inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield,” one of the best examples in the MCU of a lifelong friendship forged in adolescence is that of Captain Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) and Sergeant Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan). When Steve’s parents died in his childhood, Bucky was the only one there who felt like family to him. Bucky always looked out for his friend, whether it be fighting by his side or trying to get him a date. And over the years, their friendship stayed strong because they were never afraid to show each other their emotions -- be it gratitude, frustration, or simple, genuine affection. Boys aren’t typically socialized to display complex emotions (or many emotions at all, for that matter - more on that coming up), so when a friendship like the one Steve and Bucky share comes along, it’s seemingly rare, but nonetheless very special. So special that, when the two are face-to-face in battle in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014), Steve is able to rattle the HYDRA brainwashing of Bucky solely by saying his name.
But, sometimes we’re not lucky enough to have made meaningful connections with peers when we are young; or, as is often the case, the friends we have made move away, or for whatever different reasons, we grow apart from each other. It’s so very important to our mental health that we are able to form new and lasting friendships as adults, and by taking a look at Guardians of the Galaxy, we can easily see why. To put it candidly, the MARVEL Universe couldn’t have asked for a better bunch of misfits. Peter Quill, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot all come from dysfunctional upbringings - either they have grown up without a family or within a broken family unit. They are all loners in their own right, each with their own spirit and variation on the classic rebel archetype. But when they band together, the teamwork they exhibit makes them an unstoppable force. An old adage says we can’t choose our family, but very often we consider our friends to be as close to us as brothers and/or sisters. The familiarity and close bond we enjoy between good friends leads to us creating our own personal niche. Each member of a friend group may have a quality that isn’t present in other members, so they compliment each other and play to those strengths. We learn from each other, and grow together. This type of friendship has purpose and fulfills needs, and, as apparent in the Guardians of the Galaxy series, it proves that indeed it is possible to choose our “family.”

Sam and Eddie are already friends and creative partners when we meet them, but their experience together working for Big Fat Bernie pulls them so much closer. And even at the end of the film, when it seems as though they are parting ways, we understand that they are doing so not out of any kind of animosity or “growing apart,” but from a place of deep understanding and care for each other’s well-beings. We know their loyalty toward one another is enough for them to keep in touch -- and at the very least, get together at one of Leo’s barbecues. And, for some of us, that’s all a true friendship ever needs.


“You need to stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.” - May Parker, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Existentialism tells us that we are born into a universe that is nothing but a cold, meaningless void. It’s when we accept this void and the isolation that goes along with it that our “selves” are born, and we begin to find and acknowledge our unique places in the world. Our own personal sense of self - our meaning and purpose - is ours to cultivate. Life in itself does not have meaning; the meaning is what we give to it. For some, this journey may be never-ending. And for our heroes in Safe Men, that journey is only beginning.
The film opens with a presentation of a couple of crooks fully engaged in a heist, and immediately juxtaposes that imagery with that of another set of men warming up for a half-witted musical performance. Right away the film treats us with a classic bait-and-switch; as we watch the two criminals try their hand at cracking a safe, we presume, based on title alone, that this duo are our Safe Men. But as quickly as we begin to settle in with that idea, the figurative rug is pulled from under us with a scene change, and we see instead that we should be focusing on the two silly-looking men currently on stage. And here, we are fully introduced to Sam and Eddie, a pair of schlubby dorks, and the most unlikely of hardened criminals. All of this, of course, functions as foreshadowing to an expertly executed plot device a few moments later in which our heroes are mistaken for the two actual criminals due to a combination of serendipitous decisions and the off-chance appearance of an uncommon drink order.

The entirety of Safe Men hinges upon this case of mistaken identity, and, as it turns out, it’s the driving motivational force for Sam and Eddie to realize their existential purpose. They go through many trials throughout the course of the film (both emotional and literal as they continually attempt safe-cracking), and it is within these trials they assess what their life goals are and who they really want to be -- for that matter, who they are meant to be. For us, a normal part of emotional growth is realizing that we have faults. When we come to terms with these issues, we can understand that maybe they’re not all that significant and we can easily take control of the progression of who we want to become. We gain confidence and are able to cut ties with people and situations that may be holding us back. We become aware of what we are capable of, and we use that to move forward. In this sense, we are always changing, always progressing. And so, we have the freedom to decide the direction we want to take in our lives. We are in charge of living authentically - our actions define our purpose. By the end of the film, Sam and Eddie are comfortable both with themselves and the decisions they have made: Sam leaving the life of crime to enjoy a emotionally stable relationship with Hannah, and Eddie following in his father’s footsteps as an adept safe man. This theme of coming to grips with who we are is not only prevalent in Safe Men, but nearly every superhero in the MARVEL universe undergoes the very same existential challenges.

The first entry into the MCU, 2008’s Iron Man, shows us Tony Stark -- billionaire entrepreneur, playboy, and amateur tinkerer -- who appears to have it all: money, fame, girls, and a charisma rivaling the likes of a Kennedy, or maybe even Ted Turner. But what Stark doesn’t have is existential purpose. His entire life, he’s been given what he wants, and he’s never really shown much interest in anything that will give him more than immediate gratification. Stark indeed has everything, but at the same time has nothing; even though his garage is full of cars and his walls are covered in fine art, his lack of authentic kinship with others oftentimes leaves him feeling helpless and empty. It is not until he is imprisoned in war-torn Afghanistan that he realizes all of his money simply cannot buy him happiness. He forms a bond with a fellow prisoner (Yinsen, a doctor) with whom he builds the first arc reactor, and during their battle to escape, Yinsen sacrifices his life in attempt to divert the Ten Rings’ attention so Stark can make it out of the cave safely. This may be the first truly selfless act Stark witnesses in his entire life, and through his impoverished experience in captivity, he comes out a (somewhat) better man -- at least, he understands that manufacturing weapons isn’t doing the world any good. It’s at this point where Tony Stark suddenly conquers his Rosebud Syndrome, sheds his empty existence, and has something meaningful to live for, wholly taking on the role of hero -- the role of Iron Man. Somewhat similarly, our safe men Sam and Eddie have to choose between a potentially lucrative-but-then-again-empty life as criminals and a life where they could likely contribute to the joy and happiness of other people (see: their lounge act). And once they make that choice, there could be no going back. Sam voices this concern at the beginning of the film: “We’re not thieves, we’re singers,” he tries to rationalize as they reach the door of their first mark’s house. Eddie quickly responds with, “If we do this thing, we are thieves.” As it seems, dear reader, our two protagonists have a hero’s journey ahead of them as well.
MARVEL didn’t exactly invent the wheel when they introduced The Incredible Hulk. For decades, the story of a man torn by his id and ego -- two separate entities within the same body vying for control -- has made the rounds: the most famous of which is of course Robert Louis Stevenson’s Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Dr. Bruce Banner is a quiet and reserved (some may say shy) individual whose struggle to remain calm has put him in a place of self-alienation. If Banner is the organized and rational ego, then Hulk (like Mr. Hyde) is most assuredly representative of the carnal and clumsy id. Now, we can make the argument that Banner and Hulk tie into Safe Men easily via the obvious presence of actor Mark Ruffalo, but comparing the characters he portrays in each film leaves a bit to the wayside. But, if we take Ruffalo’s Frank and add Steve Zahn’s Eddie, we can more effortlessly see the character connection to the MCU’s representation of Hulk. In Safe Men, the so-called “game” has been rough on Frank and he wants to turn over a new leaf, to leave the life of crime in order to win back the heart of his lost love. But he’s already in too deep, he’s made a reputation for himself as one-half of Providence’s (actual) best safecracking team, so try as he might, he just cannot quit. Eddie, on the other hand, discovers that the proclivity and drive for safecracking has always been inside him, and he only needed an opportunity to tap into his yet undetermined talent. Essentially, Frank and Eddie (like Banner and Hulk) are different sides of the same coin. So, if Banner’s success in finding himself can only be achieved by uniting the two sides of his persona in perfect balance and harmony, perhaps with Frank and Eddie (Eddie especially) we can also expect the two men to achieve the same zen-like balance between their ideas of themselves and whatever their goals in life might be.

Like Sam in Safe Men, Ant-Man’s Scott Lang is a thief who no longer wants to be a thief. Unlike Sam, Scott is good at it. But their motivations are similar in that Sam is determined to permanently win the affection of his love interest Hannah, who chastises him for his criminal tendencies, while Scott needs to prove to his former wife that he can provide for his daughter. Of course Scott wants to be a good father, but the limitations placed upon him by having a criminal record keep him from landing what civilized society would consider a regular job (To digress for a moment and reflect more on our discussion of capitalism and criminality, Scott’s predicament here is a direct by-product of our capitalist system; the need to have healthy relationships with one’s spouse and/or children is superseded by the constant struggle to work and stay afloat. Besides, if the prison system functioned as intended instead of private entities running it for profit and Scott had been truly rehabilitated, society should be willing to accept him as a functioning member capable of almost any type of employment in which he’s qualified.). Scott returns to his old criminal habits (see: stealing the shrinking suit from Hank Pym), but fortunately for him, his daughter continues to think very highly of him, giving him the motivation to seek a life with a higher purpose than solely squeaking by cracking safes. Ultimately, Scott is what many people would consider a loser, but he has within him the potential to be an incredible hero and an asset to the Avengers. All he has to do is tap into that well of courage and determination that’s hidden inside him.
From here, we can talk a bit about destiny. As we learned when we discussed the trouble with certain father/son relationships in a previous section, legacy can be a huge contributor to unrest within a person’s psyche. In 2018’s Black Panther, T’Challah (Chadwick Boseman) struggles with inheriting not only his father’s kingdom, but also inheriting access to a borderline psychedelic, supernatural ability that gives him almost unimaginable strength. When T’Challah ingests the herb that gives him the Black Panther powers, his consciousness is transported to the realm of his ancestors, an astral plane in which he can converse with deceased family members. It’s here that T’Challah speaks with his father in attempt to gain more perspective about his new position as King of Wakanda. Similarly (but different), we can reflect on the Safe Men scrapbook left by Eddie’s father. After he finds the book, Eddie experiences a moment of blissful realization, and fully embraces the teachings of his father. At this point, both T’Challah and Eddie are fulfilling their destinies, while simultaneously discovering their own true selves. T’Challah has to learn not to freeze (as Okoye and Shuri like to poke fun at him for) not only in battle, but in his diplomacy and important decision-making. Yes, T’Challah lives in the shadow of his father, but instead of harboring resentment toward him like some of his Avenger counterparts, he takes the knowledge imparted to him by his father during his time in the astral realm and builds upon it. T’Challah has his own ideas for Wakanda that do include the traditions of his native land, but he expands the parameters of those traditions to the entire world when he unveils his plan to make a Wakandan diplomatic outreach center in Oakland. Through his journey of helping others, T’Challah discovers the kind of hero he really wants to be, achieving his goals of sharing with and uniting all the people of the world. Sure, it’s an idealistic point of view, but it’s no more idealistic than Sam’s grand notion in the beginning of Safe Men that he and Eddie are uniting people with song. Clearly at that point, Sam and Eddie are ambassadors to the world -- just like King T’Challah. After all, they did rock those Polish.


“Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you” - Player (1977)

Isn’t it strange how every movie in the history of movies is a love story? Alien invasion movies, heist movies, superhero movies -- no matter how thick the male-oriented action is, every one of them very often ends with the hero winning the affection of of his love interest. The reason for this is what Hollywood executives refer to as “quadrants,” a marketing term for the demographic makeup of the movie-going public. If a movie is a “four-quadrant” movie, that means executives deem it appealing to all four major age/gender demographic quadrants (including: male under 25, female under 25, male over 25, and female over 25). And sometimes that means shoe-horning in a love story to catch the ladies’ interest, because, as Hollywood surely believes, women will not watch a movie unless they can fall in love with its protagonist by way of a short-skirted, motorcycle-riding audience surrogate. As lame as it sounds, rest assured this “quadrant” thing is real (how else can we explain the lackluster MCU romance between Black Widow and the Hulk? Tell us, Joss!). But, adversely, it’s this effort to attract viewers from multiple demographics that gives filmmakers the freedom to tell complex stories by blending one genre of film with another, leading them to create without certain kinds of restraint. So, other than the evils of marketing (read: capitalism), the quadrant system may not be the worst thing in the world.

To put it succinctly, Safe Men is almost unrivaled in its level of genre-blending. It’s a comedy with a heist. It’s a heist with a buddy drama. It’s a buddy drama with a mob story. It’s a mob story with a romance (we could go on). All the genres are meshed together so perfectly that the end product is seamless. But the genre we want to focus on in this section is technically a cross-genre in itself, the ever-popular “chick flick,” aka romantic comedy (a genre defined by Hamburg’s own film Along Came Polly from 2004). While Safe Men can’t especially be classified as a romantic comedy, it surely is a comedy not without its fair share of romance. So, for the purposes of our narrative, it fits the bill. In the MCU, the blending of genres functions in the same way: foremost, they are superhero movies, but in order to keep audiences interested through all the fighting and chasing and alien blowing-up, the films must incorporate human interest. So, like our heroes in Safe Men, we have the Avengers cracking jokes and falling in love.
First, let’s establish what elements make up a romantic comedy. Rom-coms usually base themselves around a limited amount of themes; most of the time the stories center on a battle of the sexes, an unrequited love, or some kind of star-crossed shenanigans (again, look no further than Hamburg’s Along Came Polly or Why Him?). Characters meet and fall in love, there’s a bump in the road (usually an argument between the two), and through sometimes screwball events, the two end up back together. Also typically, there is an imbalance in the dynamic of the two characters involved in the relationship -- often one is clumsy or embarrassing while the other is well put-together, or one is selfish or destructive while the other is generous and patient. Placing the focus on the character of Hannah (and some on Frank), Safe Men encompasses these elements very well. Hannah (Christina Kirk, literal wife of writer/director Hamburg) is Good Stuff Leo’s daughter, and as such, she’s no stranger to the world of organized crime. We can suppose Hannah has been burned by past relationships with criminals because she is quick to insist she does not date thieves. Hannah never really explains why she doesn’t want to date crooks, but we can safely assume she sees enough bad behavior in her home life that she doesn’t need to see it in her love life, too. Or, maybe she just doesn’t want to mix business with pleasure. Regardless, she has just ended an affair with pro safecracker Frank, and is eager to put that part of her past behind her. And then, in a twist on the rom-com trope of “meet cute,” she catches Sam as he and Eddie are trying to break into her father’s safe.

Speaking of tropes, there are other clues that Safe Men has diverted into rom-com territory -- a musical cue of an old doo wop song as Sam enters barbershop to talk to Hannah, Hannah’s chosen profession of “chef,” a career that is romanticized due to food’s close association with desire (editor’s note: There’s literally a romantic food film from MCU’s Jon Favreau called Chef...also stars Avengers Black Widow and Iron Man). But aside from that, of course the biggest evidence of the romantic comedy genre is Sam and Hannah’s relationship itself. Simply, Hannah gives Sam confidence. A specific example: his previous girlfriend teased him about having a small derriere, calling his butt “silly.” The ridicule drove Sam to begin wearing padding on his cheeks to fill out his pants (not unlike how a superhero wears a costume), and when Hannah discovers the pads, she makes sure to let Sam know she accepts him and thinks the padding is the thing that’s silly. Hannah likes his small butt because it’s him, and in this instance, even though he’s a criminal, she’s telling him she believes in him. In this respect, Hannah and Sam’s relationship is not unlike Pepper Potts and Tony Stark -- the shared dynamic here is an emotionally unstable man and a bold, caring woman. Even though Pepper is a fully realized, autonomous character (she’s not just Tony’s girlfriend, but CEO of Stark Industries), her function is to take care of Tony and reel him back in when he’s headed toward rock bottom. When Tony is being a contemptible jackass, Pepper never stops believing in his potential, and shows some tough love that eventually gets him back on track. Likewise, Hannah punches Sam in the face when he tells her he has one last robbery to do, but when she learns of his plan to return the stolen Stanley Cup to her father, she sees Sam’s potential in turning over a new leaf and re-ignites the romance.
Additionally, we’ve already established that there are traces of Hulk in the existential fiber of Mark Ruffalo’s character Frank, but it’s within the confines of Safe Men’s love story that we see the connection between Frank and Bruce Banner. Foremost, Frank is a clear parody of the lovelorn “emo” guy archetype; Hamburg goes as far as directly parodying the boombox scene in Say Anything... (dir. Cameron Crowe, 1989) to make this point. Frank and Banner share some of the same traits: they’re both awkward but charming, bumbling but devoted (there’s just one huge intellectual difference: Banner has a PhD in nuclear physics). Ruffalo portrays Frank with a slight comedic exaggeration, but his Banner is genuinely nebbish. Frank is sullen at the beginning of the film, turning down the ritualistic celebratory sloe gin fizz with his partner Mitchell after they successfully crack a safe (he was “not thirsty”). As the story progresses, his unrequited love for Hannah begins taking a toll on his emotional status; he pathetically puts together a gift basket full of sundry goods for her to no avail. Clearly, Frank is desperately trying to prove his worth to Hannah and win her back, stretching so far as to brag to her that he’s now wearing a mustache (a symbol of manliness) over the phone. He’s such a lonely character that it seems almost impossible that Ruffalo didn’t draw from his past performance at least a little bit when it came time to “Hulk out.” Further, could Safe Men be the reason Ruffalo was chosen when it came to re-casting Bruce Banner anyway (hard yes)? We can certainly suppose (More on Hamburg and Hulk connections later).


“Sweet ‘stache.”
“Thanks, bro.” - Sam and Frank, Safe Men (1998)

When we speak of masculinity, we are typically referring to the behavior and culture associated with men, and the different ways we can address what “being a man” means. Boys are socialized to learn what their communities consider masculine behavior, and often, high expectations are placed on them to exhibit those qualities. Generally speaking, the traits linked to masculinity are ones that would be considered negative in just about any other context; however, within the boundaries of masculine gender socialization, those traits are celebrated. Qualifiers like “tough,” “intimidating,” “in control” and “powerful” are used to describe a societal ideal of a man, and all of these standards have been perpetuated for decades by our embrace of masculine archetypes (typically, this influence comes from media -- just think of how cool we consider characters like Dirty Harry, a murderer, or Superfly, a human-trafficker, to be). Unfortunately, men and boys who do not appear to fit into that perfect model are oftentimes degraded by their peers, leaving little to no room for them to positively cultivate other complex emotional qualities like sensitivity, patience, and empathy.

Almost every culture throughout the world has a tradition regarding how their children “come of age.” Although widely considered a critical point in which boys and girls enter adulthood, the “coming of age” normally happens when they are still in adolescence. In the Jewish faith, boys undergo the Bar Mitzvah ritual (that’s Bat Mitzvah for girls) at the age of thirteen, a time in which they are officially considered mature enough to be held morally responsible for their own actions. This version of “becoming a man” teaches charity and goodwill as opposed to aggression and machismo, completely defying the norm put forth by society at large. In an implied attempt to make a connection, Veal Chop asks Little Big Fat if he’s “psyched to become a man” during one of their candid father/son-esque talks, to which the kid responds “I don’t know.” Still, Veal Chop is sweet to the kid, not flinching at his sign of vulnerability.
All this to say, there is a dichotomy set up between how society normally thinks of “real men,” and the complexities of “realistic men.” Safe Men tackles this by presenting Little Big Fat’s vulnerability in his coming of age, along with examples like how Veal Chop is a tough-guy mobster yet he admits to watching Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Sam and Eddie’s deep friendship (we can think about how society discourages men to acknowledge how much they depend upon and are comforted by real, true friendships; the phrase “no homo” comes to mind), and hell, we can’t neglect to mention the entire plot of “should we be lounge singers or should we be safecrackers” that is one hundred-percent indicative of how divisive this issue is (after all, in the tradition of “masculinity,” a field like the performing arts is looked upon as sissy, whereas criminality is romanticized as manly.). We can see the same type of dichotomy present in the MARVEL Universe in several places, but most notably between the Guardians Drax and Peter Quill, and in Black Panther with Killmonger and King T’Challah.

Now, it is important to note that strength and toughness are not necessarily negative characteristics until they are exaggerated to a level that borders on exploitative. Drax (technically, Drax the Destroyer, played by wrestling luminary Dave Bautista) is a character that hasn’t quite made it to the point of pure exploitation, but his muscular stature and exceptional prowess automatically puts him in the category of “tough guy.” In short, he’s a brute. Drax comes from a culture of literalists and is awkwardly learning a sense of humor, both possible references to a) how men are expected to be serious all the time and b) the sometimes demeaning nature of “dad humor.” Drax’s story mirrors that of another MARVEL property, The Punisher, in that he is seeking revenge for the wrongful killing of his family. Drax is quick to the draw, quick to pull a knife. When pushed, he hemorrhages violent indignation. What humanizes Drax, though, is his mournful backstory. His grief at losing his wife and daughter at the hand of the evil Kree warrior Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace) is expressed as anger and vengeance. “All my anger, all my rage was just to cover my loss,” Drax eventually confesses, showing a tender and reflective side that subverts all of his character’s too masculine hullabaloo. Comparatively, Quill is a sensitive man, raised by a loving woman who left his life far too soon. It’s Quill who selflessly saves Gamora (Zoe Saldana) from zero-oxygen space exposure when he really doesn’t have anything to gain for it; it’s Quill who distracts Ronan by dancing so that the planet Xandar can be saved. When we’re introduced to Quill, he’s trying so hard to build a reputation as a notorious space outlaw that he even insists on being called by the self-given name “Star-Lord” because he thinks it’ll lend him chops. But he abandons the moniker when he realizes it is just as silly as everyone else thinks it is, and we see through his paper tiger-like exterior to the meditative and altruistic man he really is.
In Black Panther, Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan) experiences tremendous tragedy as a child, and it’s very apparent he couldn’t ever get over it. His resentment toward his now-deceased uncle for killing his father and leaving him to more or less rot in America (figuratively speaking, of course) has turned into fully-fledged hatred toward the nation of Wakanda and its dignitaries. “Two billion people all over the world who look like us whose lives are much harder, and Wakanda has the tools to liberate them all,” he scolds the Wakandan leaders, adding the refrain, “Where was Wakanda?” At its core, Killmonger’s argument is valid. But instead of nobly trying to liberate black people throughout the world, his plan pans out to be hate-fueled global domination. It’s almost as if Killmonger functions as a reminder of how destructive the notion of “an eye for an eye” can be. Romantically, we call him an assassin, but in reality, he’s nothing more than a mass murderer who essentially wants to start a race war. He is vengeance personified, in the worst way possible. To contrast, T’Challah’s character goes against the archetypal idea of not only a superhero, but a “real man” as he tries his hardest not to default to unnecessary violence and destructive behavior. For example, in the final act of Captain America: Civil War (2016), T’Challah attacks Bucky Barnes when he thinks it was Bucky who killed his father -- the result of an elaborate framing by Sokovian criminal Helmut Zemo (Daniel Bruhl). But ultimately, T’Challah doesn’t give in to vengeance and turns Zemo over to Martin Freeman as CIA agent Everett Ross. Although fueled by emotion, T’Challah makes calculated decisions, and strives to do what is right. As a ruler, he understands the importance of collaborating with others, asking for help when he needs it, and making an effort to really consider advice -- all qualities that make up a character who inspires men and women alike to find strength in delicacy and discretion.

So, “becoming a man” is important in all cultures, but what makes the difference is defining what “being a man” is. In Safe Men, we have all sorts of representations of men that range from roughneck criminal to shy and fragile singer-songwriter who wears butt pads. It goes to show there’s not one true definition of manhood other than for men to look inside themselves, be honest about who they are, and be true to the person deeply buried inside.


As if thematic DNA wasn’t enough for the MCU to take from Hamburg’s Safe Men, there are also several other Illuminati-esque connections. These are not conspiracies or ham-fisted theories; these are indeed stone cold facts. As film journalists, it is our responsibility to report truth and not speculative opinion.
From inspired casting both in front of the camera and behind, John Hamburg set the precedent for how artisans were chosen for the MCU (and tangentially and laterally related MARVEL Comics properties), without ever writing or helming a comic book-based picture himself. A true Hollywood legend, John Hamburg’s influence has guided demigod David Bowie, the late great actor Philip Seymore Hoffman, and current American President Donald J. Trump. Arguably, the sociocultural impact of John Hamburg’s work is far more important than any degrees of a Kevin Bacon. We digress.

Here we look at his MARVEL connections through Paul Stephen Rudd, Toho’s Godzilla, La Planete des Singes, and the post-credits stinger.


Let’s begin with the fact that Paul Rudd as we know him (read: renowned comedic actor and current Ant-Man) wouldn’t exist if not for John Hamburg’s Safe Men. In 1998 when Hamburg made his debut feature, he extended goodwill toward his then unemployed friend (and former roommate) Michael Showalter. Showalter was a former MTV kid, having cut his teeth in comedy with his troupe The State on a sketch comedy series called The State. It was through the kind gesture of allowing a cable television “actor” appear in his theatrical film that Hamburg paved the way for Romeo + Juliet (dir. Baz Luhrmann, 1996) performer Paul Rudd to seize the mantle of Ant-Man.

Read: By featuring Showalter in the opening moments of Safe Men, Hamburg inadvertently ignited a friendly professional rivalry with State member and resident television director, David Wain. Wain, a struggling MTV personality, saw his creative partner Showalter on the big screen and decided then if he were to win him back from the grasp of cinema auteur Hamburg, he needed to lure him with promises of Hollywood stardom. This is the moment Wain and Showalter conceive Wet Hot American Summer (2001), this is the moment struggling actor Paul Rudd (Gen-X Cops 2: Metal Mayhem) is given a renewed lease in Tinseltown and a career that leads directly to MARVEL Studios.
Coming full circle with 2009’s I Love You, Man (the first Hamburg film produced in a post-MCU world), the prolific writer/director designed the lead role for Rudd. Also of note, the film features Iron Man mainstay and creative force Jon Favreau (more on connections to Fav later) and Hamburg’s friendly rival David Wain.

So it was years before Rudd’s inauguration into the MCU when John Hamburg (a literal prophet), had the foresight to pit him against the ‘70s’ multimedia MARVEL poster child: Lou Ferrigno (Sinbad of the Seven Seas).

In a March 17th 2009 interview with Interview Magazine (“Home of the Interview”), John Hamburg is pressed about his casting process.

Darrell Harman: Lou Ferrigno, of all people, has an important supporting role. How did that come about?

John Hamburg: I knew I wanted Paul’s character to be a real estate agent in LA, which means you’re usually selling the house of some kind of celebrity. And the idea just popped into my head: maybe he should sell the house of Lou Ferrigno—as random as that. I liked “The Incredible Hulk” as a kid. And once I had that idea it was like, someone should maybe get in a fight with him.

Godzilla and the Planet of the Actors

Hamburg’s MARVEL connections run from the surface (Sam Rockwell and Mark Ruffalo appearing directly in MARVEL Studios films) to the deepest, nerdiest Marianas Trenches. A trench, by the way, that may one day be visited on film by Namor, The Submariner (Might we suggest the Kevin Fiege research what Zach Quinto is up to besides Heroes reunions at regional comic conventions?).

In the mid-1970s, MARVEL Comics acquired several IPs to fold in to their ever-expanding comic book lines and universe. Two of these properties are among the most prolific and iconic film franchises of all time: Toho’s Godzilla and 20th Century Fox’s Planet of the Apes****. Hamburg’s Safe Men represents the passing of the torch of these step-MARVEL properties to TWO new generations.

Connections to John Hamburg aside, Godzilla’s shared universe interacting with MARVEL actors is already well established: Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, and Samuel L. Jackson lead the cast of 2017’s Kong: Skull Island. But it was John Hamburg that paved the road to these current casting trends. Godzilla himself (herself? Themself?) met The Avengers in issue 23 of his swinging ‘70s American book. Hamburg, all but a child of six at that moment in history, internalized that fact and set forth on a professional career to once again unite MARVEL and ‘Zilla in some way. That “way” proved to be with his farce Safe Men.
Academy Award nominee Michael Lerner appears in 1998’s Safe Men, of course, as “Big Fat” Bernie Gayle, but earlier that same year he appeared in another film: Roland “10,000 BC” Emmerich’s Godzilla (in name only)*****. So here, dear reader, is the *first* instance of a Godzilla actor appearing alongside a MARVEL actor, or, actors as the case is here.

The second time Hamburg unites Toho and MARVEL is in 2016’s beloved Why Him? starring Whatever it Takes’ James Franco and Bryan Cranston (Total Recall) as comic foils to one another.

Franco, like Rudd, was once a dramatic actor with a propensity for comedy. During his formative dramatic years, Franco portrayed MARVEL Comics character Harry Osborn in a trilogy of Spider-Man films from For Love of the Game’s director Sam Raimi. Casting directly from 2014’s Godzilla, Hamburg pairs his MARVEL alum Franco with Bryan Cranston. Cranston, an actor (up until Why Him?) predominantly known for his work in television (CHiPS, X-Files, Diagnosis Murder) moved to bonafide movie star with Hamburg’s Why Him? Through his tested formula of Godzilla/MARVEL, Hamburg was able to generate a worldwide gross of $117 million dollars from this 2016 Christmas release; LITERALLY 2,500 times the gross of Safe Men, the film with which he developed this formula.

Though not a conscious decision like his Godzilla-MARVEL castings, Mr. Hamburg predicted the return of Planet of the Apes (a once MARVEL Comics property, remember) into popular culture with Safe Men.

With the casting of Paul Giamatti (he himself a MARVEL villain in 2014’s amazing The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and Sony’s upcoming-delayed Sinister Six movie), a relative unknown in 1998, Hamburg provided a physical showcase for the actor to receive more work. One person that took notice to Hamburg’s work was Tim Burton (Alice in Wonderland). Burton, in the throes of Sleepy Hollow at this time, was toying with realizing Planet of the Apes for a new generation of filmgoers.
Noticing Giamatti’s unique facial expressions and penchant for physical acting, Burton moved to cast Giamatti directly from Safe Men to POTA (as the kids say). Also of note in this decision: Giamatti would join a cast that included several future MARVEL players; Tim Roth (The Incredible Hulk), Michael Clarke Duncan (Daredevil), and Kris Kristofferson (Blade) round out Burton’s eclectic cast.

Another relative unknown in 1998, Steve Zahn would later join the Apes cinematic legacy in 2017’s War for the Planet of the Apes. While his star has risen considerably since the late ‘90s, it stands to reason that WAR’s Director Matt Reeves (TV’s Felicity), is continuing the Hamburg/Apes connections before him.


Years before MARVEL’s most famous modern era “end credits scene” at the end of 2003’s Daredevil (“Bullseye in traction”), John Hamburg resurrected the coda scene with Safe Men.

In 1979, The Muppet Movie made popular the use of an additional scene at the very end of the credits scroll, and Hamburg comically employed this device in his groundbreaking indie. Though several films have used this storytelling technique since 1903, the inclusion of a post-credits sequence in 1998’s Safe Men is monumental to the Hamburg/MARVEL connection for two reasons.

The current rights holder to Jim Henson’s intellectual properties is Disney. Disney is, of course, the parent company of MARVEL Studios and the MARVEL Publishing Group. With Hamburg’s silly comedy clearly using a device from a now Disney owned film and with so many OBVIOUS MARVEL connections in the Hamburg canon, Disney executives no doubt encouraged Jon Favreau and others to employ a similar device in their MCU pictures.

The coda scene in Safe Men is a bit of interplay between Michael Lerner and Peter Dinklage. The fact that the scene is between those two actors SPECIFICALLY is enough to solidify the Hamburg/MARVEL connection; in 2014 both Lerner and Dinklage appear in rapist scumbag Bryan Singer’s MARVEL based film X-Men: Days of Future Past.

Though this article is a work of film journalism and not speculation, one needs to ask: Knowing Dinklage will AGAIN appear in a MARVEL film, The Avengers: Infinity War, what exactly is his role? If the Hamburg/MARVEL/Safe Men connections continue, can we rightfully assume that because Dinklage wields a hammer in Safe Men, he perhaps has a beef with the God of Thunder?


Safe Men was the second feature from cinematographer Michael Barrett. Mr. Barrett would go on to work with MARVEL lynchpin Robert Downey Jr. on Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) from Iron Man 3 writer/director Shane Black.

Casting director Avy Kaufman would later go on to cast Jon Favreau’s Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)...his last film before spearheading the MARVEL Cinematic Universe.
Safe Men’s stunt coordinator, Roy Farfel, would go on to work on several MARVEL properties: Spider-Man: Homecoming, Doctor Strange, Daredevil (Netflix), and Spider-Man 3...sidenote: He also worked with Hamburg rival David Wain on 2001’s Paul Rudd comedy Wet Hot American Summer.

John Hamburg co-wrote Zoolander 2 (2016) with Iron Man 2 (2010) writer Justin Theroux.

In 2009, several MARVEL actors appear in Hamburg’s I Love You, Man: Paul Rudd (Ant-Man, MCU), J.K. Simmons (Spider-Man 1,2,3), Jon Favreau (Iron Man 1,2,3, MCU), Rob Huebel (Agents of Shield), and Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk).

John Hamburg (born John Liman Hamburg) is the cousin of prolific Jumper filmmaker Doug Liman. Liman, of course, most famously directed his second feature Swingers (1996) from a script by then-struggling character actor Jon Favreau.

In Safe Men, there is a short argument between Frank and Mitchell debating the perceived intelligence of pigs and raccoons. Clearly the argument in favor of raccoons being the smartest animal (after all, they can separate the recycling from the garbage) won out in end: Rocket Raccoon is clearly the smartest creature in the MARVEL Cinematic Universe (don’t @ us with your bullshit, this is a fact).

The MARVEL Cinematic Universe exists because of 1998’s Safe Men. Full stop. GOODNIGHT!


*April 27th if you’re an American “normie”...Otherwise, you may see it April 23rd if you’re Hollywood royalty, April 25th if you live in Norway or other highly entitled European and Asian markets...or maybe you’re in the Middle East? You might be seeing it April if you’re living in Peru, Russia, or China though: GOTTA WAIT TIL MAY, FOOLS.

**Last names unknown. Perhaps we were to discover their parentage in later films or, as one sequence in the film hints, a prequel; discovering how, EXACTLY, Sam and Eddie set forth on their path to Kiwana Club stardom.

***John Sacksteder is most well known for the plot summaries of several made-for-television movies such as A Case of Deadly Force (1986), A Killing in a Small Town (1990), A Slight Case of Murder (1999), and Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again (1990)...perhaps Mr. Sacksteder has a podcast on television movies. If not, he should. Just sayin’.

****Yeah, still providing these footnotes. Sorry. Anyway, this footnote is to say that Sylvester Stallone’s popular boxing character Rocky Balboa was also a MARVEL character in the ‘80s...for like a literal a GI JOE comic...but still! It’s canon. Rocky is a GI JOE so Rocky is a MARVEL character. SO, if Rocky is a MARVEL character and if Creed (2015) is a Rocky movie, Ryan Coogler pulled some John Hamburg shit by casting Michael B. Jordan in both Creed and Black Panther. It’s strange though; why the fuck did they make Rocky Balboa a GI JOE when another Sly character IS LITERALLY A NAM VET?! THE MOLLY JUST HIT: HOLY FUCK STALLONE WAS IN GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2. Wonders never cease.

*****Perhaps of note as well: In Godzilla (in name only), Lerner, a white haired, round, late middle-aged actor at the time, played Mayor Ebert. Mayor Ebert was characterized as a goofy politician, full of terrible opinions on New York’s MUTO policy and a signature “thumbs up” response to his weak subordinates. Reeling from his lampooning in Godzilla (in name only), beloved film critic Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun Times wrote of Safe Men, “This is one of those movies where you picture the author at his keyboard, chortling so loudly that he drowns out his own thoughts.” And one of those thoughts, incidentally, was casting Godzilla’s Mayor Ebert alongside The Incredible Hulk.


  1. This was a really funny and interesting read. "Safe Men" is in my top ten favorite comedies of all time and I'm dying for it to get a proper Blu Ray release. The DVD has serious audio issues where you have to keep turning the volume up and down (much like early DVD's of "Heat")

  2. Holy crap this was amazing! I actually had to close my office door since I kept laughing. Excellent work all around!

  3. This is so fucking stupid. I can't believe anyone would post this non sense bullshit. I used to be a fan of this site and now it's filled with garbage like this.

    1. aw don't be sore, it's ok not to like something and NOT be angry and bitter about it.

  4. Awesome. I love the way you write with all the parentheticals. Hurray for a movie site that doesn't just do the obvious clickbait like every one else and actually says something interesting about an off-the-beaten-path movie we may have missed out on otherwise.