Thursday, March 29, 2012

Take Two: Clash of the Titans (2010)

Just in time for the sequel to hit, I rewatched Louis Leterrier's 2010 remake of Clash of the Titans, hoping to find something there I missed two years ago. It. Was. A. Drag.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

F This Movie! - The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Patrick and Alex traveled to Site B, and guess what they found? More dinosaurs. Also, garbage.



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Also discussed this episode: The Hunger Games, Jeff Who Lives at Home, Columbiana, Lucky, Being Elmo

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Sh!#ting on the Classics: Dances with Wolves

Dances With Wolves is a magnificent 90-minute film. Unfortunately, the original theatrical release ran close to three hours. Even that film is hard to find among the bloat and aimlessness of the close-to-four-hour-long Extended Version.

Unlike Kevin Costner’s luxurious locks and porn star mustache, I will try to keep this short.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Heavy Action: The Running Man / Surviving the Game

In honor of The Hunger Games taking over OUR LIVES this week, I thought it would be a good time to look back at some murder-for-sport movies not intended for Young Adults. Unless that young adult was ME, because that's totally when I loved all these movies.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

F This Movie! - Network

Patrick and JB are angry prophets denouncing the hypocrisies of our times.



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Also discussed this episode: Casa de mi Padre, John Carter, 21 Jump Street

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Sh!#ting on the Classics: The Greatest Show on Earth

Awhile back, Patrick and I devoted an entire podcast to Plan 9 From Outer Space. Many people feel that Plan 9 is the worst film ever made, and we took issue with this contention. I believe that I have found what is REALLY the worst movie ever made.

Hear that, children?  It is the sound of a murderous clown!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Heavy Action: Kull the Conqueror / The Scorpion King

What is it that makes an action star? Why do some "pop" and others don't? Steven Seagal becomes a movie star and works consistently for two decades, while Jeff Speakman disappears almost immediately after The Perfect Weapon is engineered to make him a household name. Michael Jai White has incredible chops (both literal and figurative), but hasn't enjoyed one third as much success as Wesley Snipes. Then there's polar opposites Kevin Sorbo and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who met with very different career fates despite being launched as action stars in very, very similar movies.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (March 16)

Here's the second trailer for Men in Black III. Here's the third trailer for American Reunion. And here is the 17TH(!) trailer for The Avengers. Remember when films only had one preview? Me neither. And as much as I want to/could easily rip on these movies, I'm totally down to watch all three of them. See you at the picture show!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Review: John Carter (Erich's Take)

Going to the movies is like watching a magic show. We agree to suspend our disbelief for a couple of hours, and in return we expect to see something amazing. Whether that something is a levitating handkerchief or a full-scale alien invasion, we don't care that it isn't real as long as the performer keeps us enthralled. Unfortunately, this delicate spell is easily broken. Ask anyone who has ever been stuck near a group of rowdy teenagers in a crowded theater, or so far to the left of the stage that they can see the magician's secret pocket. Poof! A willing entrant to the land of magical wonders has been transformed into a grumpy non-believer, wondering if it's possible to get his money back.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

F This Movie! - Swingers

Patrick and Doug are the guys behind the guys behind the guys behind the guys.



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Also discussed this episode: The Artist, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Friends with Kids, Father's Day

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Sh!#ting on the Classics: Gladiator

This past weekend I wasted three hours of my life re-watching Gladiator — three hours that I will never get back. After the jump, I unleash hell.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (March 9)

I'm back! And to make up for my absence (you missed me? You missed me.), I'm including TWO bonus trailers (after the jump). YOU'RE WELCOME, AMERICA.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Doug Asks Patrick Questions About Movies

Patrick knows a lot about movies. Doug has seen Caligula dozens of times. In an effort to expand Doug's cinematic horizons, he'll be asking Patrick questions about movies in a column we're calling "Doug Asks Patrick Questions About Movies."

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

F This Movie! - The Iron Giant

Patrick and Doug discuss Brad Bird's first film, lament the disappearance of cel animation and argue about reanimating dead relatives.



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Also discussed this episode: Tower Heist, Notting Hill, Like Crazy, OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies, JCVD

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Monday, March 5, 2012

Heavy Action: Under Siege / Sudden Death

The greatest action movie ever made is unquestionably Die Hard, a movie so iconic and successful that it became its own kind of brand name. Action movies were ripping it off for years following its release, and their screenplays just used Die Hard as a kind of plot shorthand: "It's Die Hard in a _______." It's how we ended up with Passenger 57 (it's Die Hard on an airplane!), Speed (it's Die Hard on a bus!), Cliffhanger (it's Die Hard on a mountain!), No Contest (it's Die Hard at a beauty pageant!) and, of course, the movies we're talking about today.

Seagal. Van Damme. Who will die hardest?

Friday, March 2, 2012

Watchin' Trailerz with Doug (March 2)

'Ello, govna'! Pip pip, cheerio! Put another shrimp on the barbie! If you can't tell, I'm in LONDON (jealous?). In between visits to Diagon Alley (GET IT?), the Iron Lady (a store for women seamstresses) and James Bond's crotch (I always enjoyed learning a new tongue), I tracked down these trailers for you Yanks across the pond. Please enjoy them with some bangers and mash. MIND THE GAP!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

I'll Watch Anything: Patrick Watches Battle Beyond the Stars

I'm so disappointed. I really wanted to love Battle Beyond the Stars, the 1980 sci-fi movie produced by Roger Corman and starring John Boy Walton, Hannibal Smith, Napoleon Solo and Sybil Danning's boobs. I love many of Corman's movies from his New World era. I love exploitation movies and silly, low budget sci-fi movies. I'm a big fan of much of the talent involved with the movie. So why didn't I like the movie more?