Monday, December 9, 2019

The 2019 Binness Awards

by Adam Riske
Which award did your 2019 favorites win?

Angriest I Got During A Movie: Jennifer Carpenter sequence in Dragged Across Concrete

Are You Serious Right Now, Bro? Men In Black: International

Aww Hell Naw! David Dunn’s fate in Glass

Best Action Movie (Streaming): Triple Frontier
Best Action Movie (Theatrical): John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

Best Actress in A Movie I Didn’t Like: Samara Weaving, Ready Or Not

Best Supporting Actress in A Movie I Didn’t Like: Mackenzie Davis, Terminator: Dark Fate

Best Dark Comedy: The Art of Self-Defense

Best Documentary: Horror Noire
Best Duo: Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt in Once Upon A Time In...Hollywood

Best Food Documentary: Hot Doug’s: The Movie

Best Monologue: Kevin Dunn telling Shania Twain about John Travolta saving him from an alligator in Trading Paint

Best Blank Check Movie From 1999: Motherless Brooklyn

Best Poverty Drama: Honey Boy
Best Romance: Long Shot

Best Sidekick: Talos (Ben Mendelsohn), Captain Marvel

Best Trio: Robert De Niro-Al Pacino-Joe Pesci, The Irishman

Best Use of a Fiona Apple Song: Hustlers

Better Than Bohemian Rhapsody: The Dirt
Biggest Outlier: I thought Ford v Ferrari was just okay

Biggest Surprise: Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is adorable

Blech: Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

Bruce Springsteen Power Ranking: 1) Western Stars, 2) Asbury Park: Riot, Redemption, Rock N Roll, 3) Blinded by The Light

Can Eat Shit: Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw
Craziest: Ad Astra

Creepiest Moment: Sky fall near the end of Brightburn

Dammit: 3 From Hell

DAMN! Laura Dern, Marriage Story

Disappointing: It Chapter Two
Eh: Echo in The Canyon

Funniest: Booksmart

Fun: Spider-Man: Far from Home

Fun Until It’s Tedious: Shazam!

Gimme That Sequel! Alita: Battle Angel
Great First Act and Then…The Perfection

Great First Two Acts and Then...A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood

Half Good: Jojo Rabbit

I Definitely Fell Asleep: Pokémon Detective Pikachu

I Mean, I Guess: Toy Story 4
Incredible: The Fanatic

It Wasn’t That Bad: Dark Phoenix

It’s Fine: Love, Antosha

I Wished I Liked It More: Nightmare Cinema

Kiss Lily James Already, You Colossal Fucking Idiot: Yesterday
Like A Foreign Film I Would’ve Watched as One Of My Five Free Employee Rentals at Blockbuster Video In 2000: The Farewell

Like an Indie I Would’ve Seen At The Music Box Theatre in 2008: Little Woods

Look Ma, Subtext! Us

Made Me Question My Life Choices: Countdown

More Please: Knives Out
Most Back to The Future Part II: Happy Death Day 2U

Most Energetic: Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé

Most FastPass: Aladdin (2019)

Most Brett Ratner Movie From 2001: Shaft (2019)

Most Impressed with Itself: The Dead Don’t Die
Most in Need of a Rewrite: Scary Stories to Tell in The Dark

Most in Need of An MTV Movie Award for Best Villain: Dennis Quaid, The Intruder

Most Pleasant: Dolemite Is My Name

Most Surprising: Parasite

Movie I Like But No One Else Does: Dumbo (2019)
Movie I Like Until People Talk About It with Importance: Avengers: Endgame

Not for Me: The Lighthouse

Pleasant Surprise: Rocketman

Pretty Ruff: The Art of Racing in The Rain

Saw It in A Theater All by Ma-self: Ma
She Can Kick My Ass: Florence Pugh, Fighting with My Family

She Can Kill My Ass: Rebecca Ferguson, Doctor Sleep

She’ll Get Bored: Midsommar

So Bad I Gave the Middle Finger to The Poster Once: The Lion King (2019)

So Bad It Should Be Against the Law: The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part
Stop: Godzilla: King of The Monsters

“Sweet Oblivion, Open Your Arms”: Joker

That Was This Year? Penguins

They Needed Travolta: Crawl

This Is Good. What’s Happening? Annabelle Comes Home
Ugh: Stuber

Unforgivable: Nancy Drew wears a Cubs hat, Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase

Walkouts: Charlie’s Angels (2019), Last Christmas

What Are We Even Doing Here? Child’s Play (2019)

Whatever: High Flying Bird
Who’s That? She’s Good: Hayley Griffith, Satanic Panic

Why Is She Showing This to People? Unicorn Store

Worst Documentary: Scary Stories

Worst First Act: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

Worst Reboot: The Addams Family (2019)
Worst Remake: Pet Sematary (2019)

Worst Sandwich: Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened

WTF x Infinity: Serenity (2019)

Yikes: Rambo: Last Blood


  1. Mark it on your calendar, Riske - 12/9/2019 the day I almost 100% agree with you! haha

  2. Triple Frontier is so good, right? A hidden gem for the year. (maybe not so hidden since everyone has Netflix, but that site sucks at promoting its own content the day after release)

  3. Movie I Like Until People Talk About It with Importance

    This is a very good category.

    1. This is the most perfectly succinct way to describe how I feel about Endgame

  4. Missed the "> draft day" category.

  5. These awards rule! Made me laugh, made me nod my head, and made me realize I need to watch some more 2019 movies!

  6. I liked the last Rambo movie. It wasn't a Rambo movie but more like a lost Taken sequel.

  7. Florence Pugh can do whatever she wants in my opinion.

  8. As a fellow Dumbo (2019) appreciator, thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one.