Thursday, January 2, 2014

Riske Business: 2013 in Film - "The Binness Awards"

It’s time to pass out the awards. Who’s going home with a 'Binness?'

90-Minute Good Movie that Feels 3 Hours Long:
Don Jon

3 Hour Good Movie that Feels 90-Minutes Long: The Wolf of Wall Street

Angriest I Got at a Movie: Like Someone in Love, Room 237, All is Lost

Best Action Movie: Fast and Furious 6 (Runner Up: Man of Tai Chi)
Best Actor in a Dick Tracy Movie: Sean “Is that my daughter in there?” Penn in Gangster Squad

Best Cliffhanger: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Best Crying: Tom Hanks in Captain Phillips

Best Jewish Guy: Balin from The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Best “Look at me. I’m so great! La la la”: Lake Bell in In a World…

Best Moral Indignation:
(tie) Steve Coogan in Philomena (very much worth seeing) and Peter Sarsgard in Blue Jasmine (who should have to uncover a liar in every movie)

Best Movie You Would See at the Mall in 1995: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Best Musical Sequence: The use of Britney Spears’ “Everytime” in Spring Breakers or the band called Death’s kids discovering their music in A Band Called Death
Best Newcomer in a Bad Movie: Ansel Elgort in Carrie

Best Newcomer in a Good Movie: Adele Exarchopoulos in Blue is the Warmest Color and Tye Sheridan in Mud

Best Original Song: "Five Hundred Miles" from Inside Llewyn Davis

Best Performance in a Bad Movie: Jane Levy in Evil Dead
Best Scene from a Mediocre Movie: Zoe Saldana and Christian Bale reunite in Out of the Furnace and the "Safe Haven" sequence from V/H/S 2

Best Scene from a Good Movie: Sharni Vinson goes on the offensive in You’re Next and the reveal of what’s really happening in Stoker

Best Use of a Camera: Amy Adams in American Hustle, breaking into Audrina Patridge’s house in The Bling Ring and James Wan’s direction in The Conjuring

Biggest Disappointment: Elysium
Biggest Turnarounds: a) I hated Frances Ha the first time I saw it and now I like it b) I thought Pain & Gain was ok until Patrick and I talked about it and c) I wanted people to stop beating up Paul Dano in Prisoners.

Disney’s Leaving Las Vegas:
Saving Mr. Banks

Funniest Moment: The flag twirling in White House Down

Funniest Movie: This is the End
I Didn’t Hate It but I’d Rather Have Mono than Rewatch: Man of Steel, Dallas Buyers Club, Prince Avalanche, The Great Gatsby, Oblivion, Disconnect, 42, Trance

I’m Suffocating on Indie Twee: The Way Way Back, The Kings of Summer

I Personally Know Someone Who Saw: Instructions Not Included

I Will See it One Day, Probably on the Day I First Try Arby’s: Broken City, Snitch, Runner Runner, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Rush, We Are What We Are, We’re the Millers, Paranoia, Crystal Fairy, The To-Do List, 20 Feet from Stardom, What Maisie Knew, No One Lives, The East, The Call, No
Like a Bad Movie from 1998: World War Z, Escape Plan, Passion, Dealin’ with Idiots, The Iceman, Movie 43

Made Me Embarrassed to Be a Person:
The Internship, Metallica: Through the Never, Steve Carell’s performance in Anchorman 2

Makes Beer Look Amazing: The World’s End, Drinking Buddies

Most Boring: Kiss of the Damned, Dead Man Down, To the Wonder and 2 Guns
Most Positive Development: People realizing Brie Larson is really good (Short Term 12)

Movies Adults Can’t Talk About Without Sounding Three Years Old: Pacific Rim, Thor: The Dark World

Movies I Couldn’t Finish: Warm Bodies, Identity Thief, Grown Ups 2, Kick Ass 2, The Grandmaster, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

Movies I Took a Break During and Walked in the Lobby for 10 Minutes Because I was Bored:
Iron Man 3, G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Movies I Want To Like, But Don’t: About Time, Frozen, I Declare War, Deceptive Practice: The Mysteries and Mentors of Ricky Jay, The Heat, Bullet to the Head, Mama, John Dies at the End

Movies that Hate You: The ABCs of Death, Only God Forgives, The Purge, Now You See Me, Olympus Has Fallen, Oz the Great and Powerful, 21 & Over

Not as Good as Free Willy 2: Blackfish

Paradox: White Jewish man loves The Best Man Holiday. The power of movies!
Pleasant Surprises: Maniac, Evocateur: The Morton Downey Jr. Movie, The Wolverine, Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain, Lee Daniels’ The Butler, Good Ol’ Freda, Ender’s Game, Monsters University, Riddick, The Last Stand

Salt in the Wound:
Robert De Niro shit on the goodwill I had for him from Silver Linings Playbook by starring in The Family, Killing Season and Last Vegas. He also sent me a picture of himself shitting on a Goodwill building. Admittedly, he was fine in Grudge Match and American Hustle, so I’m the asshole. Well played, Bob.

Stop Picking on Them:
Star Trek into Darkness, Grudge Match, Oldboy, Homefront, Escape from Tomorrow, The Counselor, Insidious: Chapter 2, The Lone Ranger (it’s the worst movie of the year right, snob critics?), The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, After Earth, The Lords of Salem

They’re Not Overrated, I Just Didn’t See the Great Movie You Saw: Her, Gravity, 12 Years a Slave, Nebraska, Fruitvale Station, The Act of Killing, Stories We Tell, Before Midnight, Upstream Color
Title for an OK Movie that I Can’t Say Out Loud Without Wanting to Beat Myself Up: Ain’t Them Bodies Saints

Worst Sequel: A Good Day to Die Hard. No wait. The Hangover Part III. Oh, never mind, it’s Machete Kills.

Would be Great if it Weren’t For… Enough Said, The Spectacular Now, The Place Beyond the Pines, Side Effects

Most importantly, I’d like to take a second to thank all of our loyal readers, commenters and listeners who are truly wonderful people that I love to talk movies with. I can’t wait to continue the discussion in 2014. You are all the best!


  1. I can't say I agree with all your choices, but I suppose that's to be expected. At any rate, this was an entertaining read. Well done! Happy New Year, Adam! I hope 2014 treats you well!

    1. Thanks John! Happy New Year to you too. 2013 was a year that a lot of movies I should have loved sort of left me cold. Just one of those things.

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    3. I'd say my main disagreement comes in the form of your apparently not caring for Frozen. I thought that movie was completely great. But we like what we like, I guess.

      I will say I agree with your assessment of Robert De Niro this year. He was so great in Silver Linings Playbook, only to mostly stink it up this year and appear in lousy movies. I did somewhat enjoy his small part in American Hustle, I'll give him that.

    4. Yeah, I'm definitely in the minority on Frozen. I like what it represents for sure. I really enjoyed the music and the message of the movie

      My hangups were that leading up to the end, I never got invested in the story and the comic relief didn't work for me at all. It's not a bad movie but I didn't think it was much better than Princess and the Frog, for example.

      That being said, I'm glad the movie is successful and I hope it encourages Disney to release more animated movies where original songs are a major element.

    5. I kind of agree with you Adam on Frozen. I think the individual parts of the movie were really good (the songs, the narrative, etc), but it never really clicked as a whole for me.

      Things that should have emtionally punched me in the gut were kind of more like "well that happened". It got REALLY close at times though.

    6. "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" emotionally punched me in the gut for sure, as did some other moments. I will side with you that not all of the comedy worked for me, but I loved the story and music and characters so much I felt like I could forgive that.

  2. Right, right, right, wrong, right, wrong, wrong, etc

  3. These are great Adam - agree with most (especially Room 237 as the movie that made me angriest ESPECIALLY in light of all the positive reviews) - all I can really say is that We're the Millers is better than Arby's. Like, if you put it in the microwave just until the disc gets kinda soft and chewy, it goes down pretty smooth.

    1. I was surprised Room 237 didn't show up on many top 10's. It was the end-all-be-all to a lot of people when it opened.

  4. Fine, I'll defend Hansel & Gretel. (OK, no I won't, but I still maintain it's a completely enjoyable, slap on for a Saturday afternoon movie.)

    1. I meant a 1995 mall movie as a compliment. It's an enjoyable slap always and forever.

    2. I assume "enjoyable slap" is a euphemism because Gemma Arterton?

    3. Um, sure. I mean she'll get you there I'd assume.

  5. EXCELLENT list! and I will henceforth and forevermore call him Sean "Is That My Daughter In There" Penn.

    1. I'm sure at least one person has said that to their pregnant signifcant other since Mystic River was released.

  6. Best Use of a Camera: Amy Adams in American Hustle..... YES!

    1. She has royal banking connections in London.

  7. Whoa. Adele from Blue is the Warmest Color is fantastic. And that is a very addictive film. I had no plans to watch it beyond clips - but all those cheeks and facial expressions and small hands.